I know I need patience and a good steady flow of it will make everyone happy. Well, today I'm lacking this flow and I don't care who's happy or who's not (specially when I'm not). - passed most of the night wondering what this feeling was and came to the conclusion that is related to a sense of rejection or not being good enough at least for certain people.
As a child we were very often given presents either for Christmas or birthdays and sometimes even before the day ended we've got the presents taken away or given to somebody else.
This same feeling of unworthiness is what I'm going through right now. David says, that he realises we are too different and that he's looking for something he knows I can't offer to him (we live in a material world and I'm a material girl). So he decided to step down of our relationship and perfectly draw the line of separation between us.
In this matter I agree with him. I do want someone by my side who can listen more with the heart than with the mind. Someone who would allow a 2 or 3 way communication between body mind and spirit and is open and receptive, brave and adventurous.
I know David have a wonderful heart and is very creative but with one massive problem and that is the big head over his shoulders. Not in size itself but the level of control his under. Obviously as every other mind-controlled existence it is based on fear and limitation. This is not judgement, it's a fact. The mind works in fear and letting this organ be the captain of your ship creates only massive insecurities and doubts on how life should be lived.
By night I came to understand that it could make things beautiful for the little time being if we agree to disagree and simply enjoy the time and the little moments we have together. Is not about firery passions that will burn out as quick as they started but to give each other the chance to be open and receptive to love and be loved. Be companions, more than the european concept of friendship. Drop the walls of protection and open the gates of the souls and mind. Let the sun shine inside into the darkest corners of the heart and feel the warmth of love... It won't last for long so why not enjoy it now. Well, that's my say.
But the message was not delivered. David decided that getting into an open attitude to love and enjoyment would only jeopardise his controlled emotions. That he only wants certain feelings to come in and keep out those unwanted ones.
He doesn't realise that one comes with the other. No one can block fear without blocking love with it, no one can block pain without blocking healing as well, no one can block sadness without blocking happiness too. I know is difficult to find unity in these understandings, especially when they mean something so opposite, but that's the way it is
So today I resolve to let go. I can't love who doesn't want it or help who hasn't asked for it.
With my deepest respect and unconditional love I set myself on standby, with the hope that one day not too far, love is welcome back to present time before is too late and lost forever.
LoveAlways
xXx
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