NOW WHAT

Don't know what to do next? My life has completely changed in the last few years, reinventing every single aspect of it. I hardly recognise myself in the mirror, I'm not sure of anything anymore, even the food I used to love is not longer of my taste, my body is not the same whatsoever and after so long trying to be different from what I was, I think I finally achieved my goal, which leads me the topic of this blog: What Now??
I'm passing through moments of boredom and emptiness not sure what to do next, what to bring into my life to take the place of what is not longer there, while making sure not to fall victim of my own conditionings being careful not to try to put my old skin back, it wouldn't fit anyway.
So, what's next? To be patient and wait for adventure to knock on my door? Maybe, since I'm not very keen on going out chasing big dreams, at least not at the moment, been there and done that many times anyhow. Now, I'm actually enjoying the nothingness of this moment for the first time in my 42 years trying to fit in while seeking Truth and excitement. Thou sometimes gets a bit boring and lonely, besides that it's all beautiful.

- A couple of days back had a very powerful Revelation. I was feeling quite bad in the mornings as I woke up. Having had pneumonia for 3 consecutive years, ending up in hospital and in coma the last time, I knew the symptoms and they match with the ones felt that morning and for the last few weeks, plus heart problems for lack of exercise and liver failure induced by all the crap I eat and drink. In my mind created the worse scenario, kind of recreation of an epic story.
So, packed a little bag with PJs, my book and my laptop and headed to A&E at Saint Mary's hospital sure that I'd be staying there for at least few weeks. Feeling very weak I kept repeating a mantra to help me walk the streets making my way to hospital. I could hardly breath and lack of oxygen made my eyes blurred and my mind dizzy.

Hours passed with screen tests done, blood taken, heart monitor connected, X rays and more, only to come back 100% in perfect condition. My lungs and oxygen levels were in full capacity, liver and internal organ working in perfect harmony, heart beating away like a Salvation drum. All my symptoms were only in my mind and nothing else.

I felt pretty stupid, have to say. For once on a list of 14 years healing from Cancer to Aids holistically and without medication, I got god smacked by what I had now in front of me. Realised how powerful and naughty the mind is, recreating old patterns and beliefs when obviously is not the same anymore. Much work has been done in the inner transformation, physically and spiritually and of course it has produced results. I just though, "I think is time to get sick again" An unconscious thought that this time died before it could cause any more harm as it didn't find fertile ground to grow and for that IAM GRATEFUL :)
SO, What's Next..

Can you see the light?
- www.iBEEcome.com

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