29.8.12 Save Yourself or Nobody Will

Palestina, Siria, Libia, Haití, South Africa, Colombia, Mexico... The world is in turmoil and there's nowhere to run. Everywhere suffers the same injustice and terror. Fighting for a democracy that forces you to believe in their ideals making it only a different way of idealism. Capitalism, brain washed slavery for the masses. "We won't make you do things, you'll do them because you want to but we just make it so that if you don't life won't be as glamorous or attractive as you want it to be and worse, it will be unsafe for you and your loved ones". What a way to go.

Terribly sadden for an unaccounted death of a true hero Rachel Corrie who put herself in the line of a bulldozer and Palestinian homes in 2003 and just recently the Israeli gov denied any responsibility. Where are the pictures of a single man stoping a whole army which inspired a generation? Now, we have pictures of a single woman being run over by a heartless, mindless driver following orders and inspired by a national identity build around guilt and death.
Police in South Africa shooting miners at close range in the name of self defence when the miners were only making their voices heard of, women being stone to death for speaking openly, gay people hanged for loving openly, Muslims killing each other in order to prove they're right, Christians killing to prove everyone else is wrong.

Life is not longer a choice, its a burden. Where its even against the law to choose not to live it. You've got to choose to live you given life or else you better brace from hell. Where ever you are born doesn't matter, if you have enough numbers around to speak against the controlling body then you become a possible liberator or a rebel in the meantime a terrorist tag hangs over your neck as people around fears you from afar like a terrible disease who dared to speak up against the hand that feeds you. A life programmed, a mind trained for system of greed and service to few is not a life worth living 'free'.

How could all change? Little by little? One single grain of sand at at time? It will take many lifetimes! Condemned to experience a reality of suffering and hard work, illness and misinformation, manipulation and extortion, hunger and helplessness, control and lies, fear and separation.

Let's continue living in pride of the given heroes; gun-patrols walking the streets of the world holding flags of war and shouting words like democracy and freedom. Uniformed kids taught to obey superior orders. Completely vaccinated from self thinking or self awareness, robots in a mission to turn everyone else into them. Heroes who kill thousands and leave them to rotten in the streets, heal and care for themselves. But when one of this "heroes" die, is returned in glorious parades for the whole world to pay their respects. But who'll pay the respect to the kid who lost his mom or dad or both his legs and sisters in a bomb attack to his city?

And all these to support a system of corruption and mind control. Fearful of their own shadow and insecurities. Building walls to keep the enemy out only to realise the biggest enemy lives inside its own mind and then begin to fear it's own nature, self hatred arise and everyone else's too.

But there's hope in the dream as we always wake up from them. Nightmares only last for as long as they stay not to frightening or they'll wake you up, becoming its own enemy or the collective solution as it only needs to continue until it cannot continue anymore. Let us hope we reach this point very soon and hell brakes loose and the heavens brake open for the sake of all. God, let it all be done with no delay or we'll be damned by the blessings of our own suffering. In the meantime we do the best we can to stay sane, strong while finding reasons to smile, love and pray.

LoveAlways
xXx

28.8.12 Words HELP Me out

In this room, north London, where I'm now based for a limited period of time. Where life feels to have another tonality, a combination of bright colours and sad ones. Gratitude and desperation, a jump between constant shift of feelings and emotions trying constantly to keep strong and positive but a painful reminder keeps bringing me down to reality. There's a very sad truth of none accomplishment, as if everything done so far was irrelevant, my existence feels irrelevant. A dreamer who becomes the dream and suddenly awakens to realise the unrealistic life that dissolves into the eternal nothingness, as when we wake up from a beautiful dream but the feeling only last for as long as we remember. Soon, the activities of the day make us focus on what needs to be done and the dream is forgotten, leaving behind an emptiness of something beautiful gone forever.

5 years conquering fears, proving the validity of truth and lies. Questioning, choosing, hiding, shining. So many emotions, so little feels accomplished. Instead of inspiring courage, there's a proven stupidity for questioning what is already stablished. Who cares for new truths when the ones in place now keep people comfortable and satisfied?

At the end I have proven nothing to no one, not even myself. Growing weaker not only physically but emotional and spiritually. If this is another lesson, god bless it for I don't care. I can't any more, I've been beaten repeatedly with reality making sure I wake up from a dream world of self healing, higher consciousness, spiritual connection and transformation into light.

Hope? What is hope? Another romantic dream that there's actual meaning to all these. That there's a higher structure to our lives, that we can affect what's happening on the other side of the world by the power of love and awareness. If this was the case, I just didn't experienced it, I just wish I could start again. I'm tired of freeing myself of all the fears and limitations of the mind. I'm tired of having choose such a difficult path. I'm sure my soul must be very satisfied with the results obtained since this has been constructed and hand picked for my own evolution and growth for a possible greater work but so far my heart is not feeling it.

So I ask to my fucking mind, what the fuck do you want from me??????? Are you stupid or just so blind to realise this is not going well. I'm not enjoying this, I'm tired of pretending to be strong and happy. I'm not, I'm lonely and in pain. I have no energy left, hope is running very low and right now I just want the pain to stop. I want my health back! I want my dreams back! I want my happiness back! I want my security back! I want my energy back! NOW!

Take your reality and shove it up your arse, I take my dreams wishing not to ever wake up to your painful truth.

LoveAlways
xXx

The beginning of something great

During the last days/weeks/months/years/life I've been experiencing the difficulties of discovering who I am and learning to be honest to myself by living my truth. However, with all the gratitude and love I cannot stop feeling tired of this insignificant situations like the pain inside my throat which in the last few days has come back to hunt me, precisely in the time when I became homeless and have been applying for housing benefits to the UK government. Not really a very useful situation to have to cope with the pain every time I swallow or worse, every time I have something to eat, but last night I spend the night with a friend and forgot to take with me the antibiotics I'm taking for everything. In the chaos of the pain I did the only thing I could to alleviate the sensation and that was to evoke the energies, angels, masters and everything in between. Right now it feels better. Anyway, I'm sharing this because in general I have lost a lot of faith in that realm, I couldn't believe that after coming back to London full of expectations and dreams, my body reacted in such a way that hinder all my possibilities to see positive results. Instead I felt pain after pain, like I never did before, I was getting weaker and weaker and life was collapsing on it own. I couldn't undertand why? I still have very deep doubts about why, even thou right now I can see a bit more clearly the greater picture and although I'm very grateful with the results obtained since I've been given temporary accommodation for the next 45 days while my case is investigated, I cannot stop feeling that I need my body to work with me to make this process more enjoyable and pain-free. This is the first time in my life I truly have nothing, but out of nothing something is being created and it's wonderful been open to receive so much support and love from people, social workers, friends, etc. This experience is definitely grounding me like I never felt before. Finally after so many years I'm putting my feet over mother earth proud and happy to receive its bounty while I create strong foundations to support my life, my dreams, myself. Blessings xXx

15.8.12 Reaching Limits

There are moments in life when everything collapses on its own. Certainty is none existent and a gap opens in front of you showing you how low can you go if you fall. Fears make presence and everything seems lost... But somehow, there's something deep within that gives you hope and certainty that everything is well as it is.

I'm feeling that right now. In a way I have lost almost everything. I'm going properly homeless next week with no money or place to live. I'm in the process of getting home and living benefits for the first time in my life and I'm jumping with emotions of deep depression, anger, inner peace and trust.
I know I'm reaching limits of great wave length and that something amazing will come out of this... Or not. All depends in how I focus the energy and manage to find my strength in the depth of my weaknesses.
I don't know exactly what to do. Actually I have no idea whatsoever what is being asked from me. But I feel is time to put everything I know into practice. Is about time to be all that I have spoken. Time to dream and believe in myself, my power, my light which is the light of everything else.

I keep repeating that I have no idea what I want since what I wanted didn't happen by itself and to be honest I never did made it happen myself so I have no experience in that matter but I got the theory which I know is only a matter of applying that ideas.

In the great spirit of love and light I ask my higher power to guide me and love me always.

Even thou I feel fear I choose to be brave!
xXx