Finding peace

Haven't wrote much in the last months. I have to admit that finding inner peace also brought a sense of stillness that has lasted for much longer than I ever imagined. 

Last year finished with a bang. First and before mother arrived I began opening to sexual encounters. It was a time of explosive emotion but didn't feel real. I was not in any powerful way attracted to my mates, regardless of how beautiful or how young they were. 

The conflict happening on their minds or the inexperience in dealings with a more fulfilling lifestyle created a gap between us that couldn't be crossed without me feeling as if I was trying too hard, which at sons point I decided I wouldn't. So, the occasional meetings stopped, right on time before I was dragged to the past in a search to revive what was already buried and mothers arrival for Xmas and New Years.

Her time, I mean mothers, in London was fenomenal, I believe she enjoyed her stay as never before. Finding a strong son, in body, mind and spirit. We stayed at home many times but we also visited many of the places she wanted to see for the first time. Little India, and a temple in North London.

When I found myself alone again, I took a day or two to find my balance and ready to start with my new year resolutions.

1. Body work, insanity, gym

2. Uni, intro to counselling

3. Book, writing my book

All began wonderfully, thou didn't stay that way for long. Past demons cane back to hunt me when the proves I started with my bro G, came with a splif right after each training. I knew it was causing me moral and physical damage. I was going down for the last time.

Two week I managed, until I dropped with a terrible gold that turned into bronchitis. That lasted for 3 weeks that I stopped training, thou I managed to continue with my classes at Uni every Saturday. I felt a big shift began to happen within me. I was not longer feeling the need to get high, though my mind was weak at saying no.

I used the bronchitis to stop my bro coming back. 

This decision unchanged a reaction of defriending and separating from people and situations that weren't beneficial to me at that moment.

I began to say no to friends, no to people on Facebook, not to anything that didn't feel right. And I loved it.

That feeling gave me opportunity to find a balance like never felt before. I began a time of deep content with myself. I began training very hard and the results in my body are showing. I'm peaceful and healthy. I'm loving my life.

Though I also began to worry about a relationship. Do I want to be in a relationship? 

Today I cancelled a date. I wasn't in the same Chanel. 

I believe I'm ready to become celibate. 

My life is now vibrating in a different frequency. I don't need the stimulus of an orgasm with another person. At least not now.

I'm very happy and proud to live my life now in unity with all. Not gay or straight.i simply am. 

I am at peace.

SatNam

333