A moment in silence

Not sure.... Actually, let me refrain that. I'm pretty sure that the cosmic time to go inwards, stop and find silence has been the reason I'm now getting a new "eureka" moment. A realisation to tune the direction of my life, personally and professionally into a huger frequency. 

Realisation number one. Today I came to terms with the idea that I do want a partner and that the reason I have not put myself out there was, because I hadn't accept fully responsibility over few issues and aspects of my life. As soon as I realised that, I took charge and immediately changed my perspective on how I see myself. "I am 100% healthy in body, mind and spirit; although I count with a +positive diagnosis from few years back when life was tough and unhealthy choices were made" regardless of what I believe the truth of HIV/AIDS is I can't ignore the fact that in at this precise moment that is a reality. That I may change the meaning of that reality, that is also true but at the moment. Step one is acceptance. 

Realisation number two: I am a coach with the ability to guide anyone into the greatest adventure of their life, to transform and find their real self. I'm the coach anyone need if their about to jump. For the moment of truth, the time of total fear and darkness. I'm the one who can share some light to guide them through.

Realisation number three: I can only write about the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. So help me god.

LoveAlways

333

Times of Joy

After my initial shock, I now retain a more accurate picture of me. Yesterday was in its totality a day to be remembered for what I couldn't remember. As I wrote, or better stated, as I tried to write the next chapter of my book relating to the happenings of 2013, I came to realise the little I remember about that time. Only by reading the posts of those days is that I can recreate an image in my mind. However, emotionally I'm absolutely diss attached from them. Yes, I can see those words are mine and the life is mine as well but the emotions are not any more. 

It was a very strange feeling. The more it tried to paint a picture in the new chapter of my book the more I realised that I was not longer the man I was and therefore I could remember his life as vivid as I would if I still related to its emotions.

It all felt as if in a process of loosing weight I see my before picture 9 months after and I see how much I have really transformed during that time.

Anyway, I inow I have to continue with the final chapters of tat book. The sooner the better. Right now I'm enjoying life like never before. The balance and peace is in all ways beautiful and for the tine being I just want to hold on to this silence if the mind, joy of the soul and health of the body for as long as I can, without any possible disturbance.

I'm training my body,

I'm training my mind, 

IAM the soul. 

LoveAlways 

333

Finding peace

Haven't wrote much in the last months. I have to admit that finding inner peace also brought a sense of stillness that has lasted for much longer than I ever imagined. 

Last year finished with a bang. First and before mother arrived I began opening to sexual encounters. It was a time of explosive emotion but didn't feel real. I was not in any powerful way attracted to my mates, regardless of how beautiful or how young they were. 

The conflict happening on their minds or the inexperience in dealings with a more fulfilling lifestyle created a gap between us that couldn't be crossed without me feeling as if I was trying too hard, which at sons point I decided I wouldn't. So, the occasional meetings stopped, right on time before I was dragged to the past in a search to revive what was already buried and mothers arrival for Xmas and New Years.

Her time, I mean mothers, in London was fenomenal, I believe she enjoyed her stay as never before. Finding a strong son, in body, mind and spirit. We stayed at home many times but we also visited many of the places she wanted to see for the first time. Little India, and a temple in North London.

When I found myself alone again, I took a day or two to find my balance and ready to start with my new year resolutions.

1. Body work, insanity, gym

2. Uni, intro to counselling

3. Book, writing my book

All began wonderfully, thou didn't stay that way for long. Past demons cane back to hunt me when the proves I started with my bro G, came with a splif right after each training. I knew it was causing me moral and physical damage. I was going down for the last time.

Two week I managed, until I dropped with a terrible gold that turned into bronchitis. That lasted for 3 weeks that I stopped training, thou I managed to continue with my classes at Uni every Saturday. I felt a big shift began to happen within me. I was not longer feeling the need to get high, though my mind was weak at saying no.

I used the bronchitis to stop my bro coming back. 

This decision unchanged a reaction of defriending and separating from people and situations that weren't beneficial to me at that moment.

I began to say no to friends, no to people on Facebook, not to anything that didn't feel right. And I loved it.

That feeling gave me opportunity to find a balance like never felt before. I began a time of deep content with myself. I began training very hard and the results in my body are showing. I'm peaceful and healthy. I'm loving my life.

Though I also began to worry about a relationship. Do I want to be in a relationship? 

Today I cancelled a date. I wasn't in the same Chanel. 

I believe I'm ready to become celibate. 

My life is now vibrating in a different frequency. I don't need the stimulus of an orgasm with another person. At least not now.

I'm very happy and proud to live my life now in unity with all. Not gay or straight.i simply am. 

I am at peace.

SatNam

333