How to take care of myslef

Today I had one single thing to achieve in a week of mini-accomplishments. I simply needed to do at least one thing that would make a difference in the way I take care of myself.
Instead, I took care of others, I was cold, lonely, hungry and sad, even more when realised I couldn't even think of one tiny little thing that would truly make a difference to myself. Only a hint in the way of a smile and sweet look from the cashier, a stranger in the breakfast place where I had everything normally I would never have. Coffee, bacon and sausages, a proper english breakfast was what I thought I needed this morning after a freezing start of the day working around town, But was that simple look right into my eyes from a stranger and an honest smile what warmed my heart from the inside out. But paid no much attention, kind of enjoyed the moment and walk away as I do in most cases. I went there to receive some goods and leave my money in return. Mechanical and totally detached. I could've had the love of my life right in front my eyes and I wouldn't notice or react to it. How sad is that?
The day was freezing and I couldn't find a way to warm up. The journey back home was not long enough to build up heat within my body inside the train and I only thought about running back to my cave. But as soon as I arrived and felt the loneliness of my space, called for a pizza and got again something I don't even enjoy like a peperoni pizza, that's when it hit me... I don't know how to give to myself what I really need and enjoy and that is a very sad realisation but even in its saddest, it also gives me hope to start finding out how to truly give to myself what I really want and need.

Today was part of a program building up in constructive will and I thought for a moment I had completely failed my task, but in not achieving I found a reason to succeed. I will now take as my first priority to give to myself what truly makes me happy, to discover what tickles my joy and fills me with love. I want to learn to love myself, I want to feel that I have achieved the greatest price in life, I want to feel alive. So what was supposed to last one single day, will now last at least one week if not one full lifetime in learning How to take care of Myself.
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