Once upon a time, in the city of London there was a man who found himself at the border of insanity. 5 months after waking up from a near death experience and 3 weeks of complete surrealistic experiences that ended in the writing of this letter. On the 27 of April, 2008 a message was delivered. This is the story...
Hello and
thank you for taking the time to read this document. Feel you might be one of
the very few people walking this earth, who could understand my current
situation and possibly be willing to help a fellow human in extreme need of some
guidance. I'm now accepting this overpowering feeling of
"uncertainty" caused by the possibility that you could believe what
you’re about to read. But also, the possibility that I have gone mad and may be
in serious need of some help.
This is a
story that starts with the number 333 and with a
message of love to the world.
All began
one night, waking up at 3:33 am. Normally, this would’ve never had any impact
on me, but it did. Felt unease, surprised and a little intrigued on the
coincidence that the night before, I watched a horror movie that showed the
same incident happening to a girl and meant some satanic time. In that moment believed
that it was simply a game that my mind was playing. Laughed, thinking how silly
I was, and went back to bed. Didn't think much of it, until the next day at
3:33 am again. It was getting annoying and quite uncomfortable, as it happened
every single night until the moment that I died caused by a drug overdose, (of
course, only momentarily) and since that moment, a series of events have taken
place, unfolding like a script from a movie being play for some audience
somewhere.
To make the
long story short, almost two years ago (March 2006) got diagnosed with a deadly
disease that would change my life forever. But, will omit the name of this
disease for the moment.
Fear and
desperation drowned me into the deepest depression I've known. Self-destruction
came uninvited but with a powerful embrace. Needless to say that the drugs took
over and almost got me for good. Been pulled through the pool of mud that is
the “Under-world, where the value of life is no more than 30 min of time for my
templar but already decadent and diseased body.
Stopped
caring for anything and anyone... included myself, to the point that my body
stopped caring as well. Started trying to put myself together, But I was too
deep into depression and ended with an over-dose and the famous light at the
end of the tunnel on October 16, 2007. Not quite a light but that's a very
different story that if you'd like I'll tell you one day.
Everything
changed, not outside; There, everything was the same. No, the change came from
within. Where from? From Everywhere!!
It was a
shower of light and awareness, A brand new conscience... The answer to all my
questions, the secret of life was there for me to take it. That secret was
love. Was given the gift of love and with that everything healed. Guilt turn
into forgiveness, fear turned into security and anger turned in into more love.
Love to live, and to be happy.
Then,
decided to go back home which is Mexico for me and stayed self-secluded under
my mothers’ love and some Kundalini yoga to over come the effect of drugs.
Two months
after, I’m back in London and confronted with my old life. Admit the test was
difficult; many times failed and sabotaged so much work done. Still, I was
dealing with my weakness "the disease" and the many unpleasant test
results done bi-monthly.
And
finally, the moment always feared arrived. Was told that needed to start with
the medication. A Chemotherapy-like treatment that even only few days after
started it, it was destroying my sand castle faster than could repair it.
In that
moment, discovered by chance over the Internet, a theory about "this
disease" that completely contradicts the public knowledge about the virus
and the diseases it supposedly causes.
But what made the whole difference in the world was, that I not only
believed it, felt it vibrating in every cell of my body. It gave me back the
power over my own health, life and how I want to live it. It didn't give me
hope; it gave me something better; the confidence and the certainty that we are
all part of God, Gaia, Universal power or however you'd like to call it. We are
perfect; our bodies heal if we believe we can. We can dream again to be the
happiest person alive. http://www.rethinkingaids.com/
Few days
after that shocking news, stopped my treatment and began with many alternative
treatments. Some not as easy or nice as yoga or tai chi, but in the run for my
health I'm prepared to go over the mile many times.
This
incredible good timing of knowing about this "theory", the start of
my treatment and it's imminent halt, couldn't have been any better. Since it
opens the chance to prove what’s right!!!
I know, it
sounds risky. I'm betting my life... but this time was sure of the outcome.
Could feel it. And... "IT can't be wrong, when it feels SO right".
And this is
IT. This is the message; I now have the blood test results and the facts that
will show the world the truth about HIV and AIDS. With this and by making this
story public, I believe many could benefit as I did with this information and
get back their lives and health. So I started to document everything on my
blog: http://web.mac.com/eduardoblancouk/edb_chronicles (taken offline on 2012)
Also
started talking with scientists and with the promoters of this "New
theory" website, but something didn't feel right and stopped contacting
them.
NOTE: At this point is where things get quite funky. “I am pleading to
your higher Self to see this through your enlightened and neutral eyes.”
That same
night when decided to go "solo" on this quest, believing that the
power of internet will do its magic and make everything happen. And with the
tranquility that only confidence can provide, sat down on my sofa-bed and from
out of nowhere, started getting thoughts, popping in and out of my head.
Thoughts like:
- How
important this message could be
- What
would happen to all the AIDS industry?
- What
would happen with the people?
- How could
this trigger a worldwide shift of awareness?
And with
thoughts like that, Began to realize the "prophetic" impact that the
message could have in the world. In that moment, out of nowhere, Jesus image
just popped into my head. Laughed so laud, it sounded almost hypocritical.
Especially when "the coincidences" started to appear in the back of
my head. At the beginning they were only funny coincidences but all started to
pile up and I started to get a little worried with the thought: I'm going crazy
big time.
Then, decided to call my mother to make her laugh with the stupid
coincidences but deep inside I was searching for the confirmation from someone
else that all this was nothing but “just coincidences”. Of course that was the
reaction I got from my mother. Felt stupid as I was hopping to feel but then,
why was I still feeling the overpowering sensation of having realized something
really BIG.
Went to bed
trying to get some sleep, but couldn't. Just couldn't stop thinking,
unwillingly and quite obsessively about the whole thing over and over. Then, remember
how just 3 months before, a friend I haven't seen in 15 years or so, contacted
my mother asking for me and telling her how did I saved his life. Met this
friend in my early 20s. I just had my first contact with a spiritual lifestyle
ongoing a 3 day white tantric meditation in New Mexico, and believed my mission
in this world was become a yoga teacher. We met in a bar but when invited to
come over to my place, he said that we couldn't be together because he was
HIV+, at that time he was living in a dumpster, and not been able to allow
that, I asked him to come and live with me. Two weeks later, after moving in,
he got sick with chicken pox and then explained me that he had stopped taking
his medication.
Felt afraid
for him and me, especially because he kept putting the responsibility over my
shoulders. Saying that from now on, he would deal with the disease only with
Kundalini Yoga and the love he felt for me. After some time we got separated
and saw him only once more, at a gay pride in San Diego, where saw him so thin
and finished that felt, he was very close to die. Was so sad to see him like
this, said good-bye with hug and walked away. Was so sure he had died, until my
mother got an email from him, saying that he also became a yoga teacher and
a healer practitioner.
Here there
are three options, 1. Coincidence, 2.
Destiny 3. Synchronicity... And I don't
believe in coincidences.
My head
couldn't stop, while having an injection of love coming from "God knows
where" that was present in every moment of my life. Felt so alive but at
the same time very tired, not being able to stop the thoughts. Tried to pay no
attention and concentrated on my blog, but still, every day, especially at
night, again almost every time at 3:33 am, some kind of awareness lightning hit
my head. Started to get confused and very afraid, Knew, I needed to calm down,
try to get back into senses and take this stupid egocentric ideas and put them
into the bin.
Started to
feel signs everywhere, telling me what to do next. From the music I'm listening
on the radio, answering exactly, what I'm questioning my self in my head with,
to the realization that every time I’m feeling a hunch for something or to do
something the clock marks: 11:11, 00:00, 1:11, 2:22, 3:33, 4:44 and 5:55, . But
the big news of the day always arrives at 3:33. This can also tell you the
difficulty I was having with my sleep patterns.
On the 3rd
night, when felt, I was about to face a long night, started to get angry, got
really mad, started to yell to the Universe, what the FUCK was going on! (Sorry
for my french:) ) Didn’t know what to do, was just so tired of having those
thoughts constantly in my head. At that point, remembered a game of cards that
supposedly work with Angels, which bought in my last day in Mexico last winter.
Started to
shuffle the cards and preparing my question: as the instructions said. And my
question was: What attitude would be appropriate to help me get some peace of
mind and rest. And the answer red as follows: (first card of two) I am the
angel that comes to live with you, to give you what you need the most. Open
your house, can you feel me? I give you now... (second card): Tranquility and
Contentment... Cool! I thought, pretty certain, in that moment jumped to open
my door with a playful attitude, knowing that was only a game but remembered my
mother once told me, about opening the physical doors to the angels when they
visit you. A crazy idea that at that moment made a some sense. So I'm about to
open the door when, feel a chilled running up and down my body, stopped for a
second and regain some composure. With a smile in my face, opened the door and
said, welcome little angel, welcome to my home. In that moment, felt so
strongly this big presence, could swear I could see, him/her, taller than me
and I'm 6 '2" tall. Felt how it walked in front of me and goes around and
stands behind me on my right.
Chilled
from head to toe, try to act normal, but this time, accept the moment as it is,
with its endless possibilities. So managed to get some sleep. Not sure if it
was caused by "Alegria's" arrival, (that's how I named the Angel) or
by the simple fact of taking the conscious decision of accepting the moment as
it was.
Not much,
but slept for few hours, still, was feeling knackered, few hours of sleep
wasn't enough to recover from the past
48 hours. The next day, try to take a practical solution to my sleeping
problems and decide that the best what can be done is, to get tired, so, pact
my gym gear and head to the club. After no more than an hour, come back feeling
even more exhausted but demoralized for my lack of energy showed at the gym.
Through myself to the sofa and in that moment and thought, I need to go and
visit my brother in Madrid. How was I going to do that? had no money what so
ever, no job, I'm one month behind on my rent, but guess what? still got the
American express credit card that arrived on the post with £5,000. An
application that miraculously got accepted two weeks ago. It sounded a bit
crazy, It has been a long time since I used to do such impulsive actions. but,
turned to see the clock and saw 11:11, so it most be the right decision, I
thought. But still my mind tried for hours to convince me of the opposite.
At almost
6:00 pm (could've said 5:55 exactly but fear I may start sounding paranoid)
packed a little bag and my computer and headed to the airport, with no ticket,
no fly schedules, no nothing. Said to "Alegria" if you want to be of
any service help me arrive in Madrid tonight, finding no obstacles and only
friendly and happy people.
Needless to
say that's exactly what happened and arrived in Madrid at 11:15 pm local time.
That weekend with my brother, was precisely what I needed, calm, peace of mind,
sun and a loving older brother who provided me with the sense of security and
safety.
Used my
time there, to set up the full layout of my blog. Started to produce ideas by
the second on how to produce and promote “The Message”. Create a new Blog,
specially designed for the HIV Chronicles, and named it "The EdB's HIV
Chronicles" and I took as stage name the nick: EdB. Create The Blog, two
iMix in iTunes, a pod-cast and a channel in YouTube. Can't stop working on the
computer during the day and at night drop like dead for a totally nourishing
and restoring sleep. the next day after three hours at my brother's spa, we
headed to an esoteric fair saw announced on the on-board magazine on my flight.
We arrived
at the fair and invited my brother to get a lecture of tarot cards and palm
reading, to which he accepted with a smile that was produced more by the a
little fear and his skeptic mind than anything else. Sat down and she asked me:
-What do
you want to know about? career, love, money, ... what?
to which I
said: I want to know about career.
NOTE: Here
I enlist the ideas that I wrote down that she was reading from the cards.
- That I
needed to contain my emotions in a way that is not perceived by others,
- That in
my job, the point of view that other people have, will be very important
- That I
needed to show "Templanza" that I don't really know what it means but
feels like keep a templar state of being... in short, keep the Cool!
- That all
things are about to change
- That
there is a man I will bring down of the pedestal his on now,
- That will
be related to illness,
(At this
point she asked me if I was a Doctor and I said, no. I am a personal trainer)
She
continued...
- That in a
short period of time I will be in a position of great importance, with lots of
responsibilities, money and power,
- That I
will suffer from the envy of men,
- That I
bring a total change,
- That a
mistake from my past brings me to Glory,
- She
predicts or guessed my last name: Blanco
- That my
child will be the great importance to this world (strange since I'm gay and I
find difficult to believe in the possibility but I admit the idea make me
smile)
- And that
I will live forever... Here, she laugh and gave me a kiss, she said: Kid, I
don't know how could it be any better for you. Gad, what are you going to do?
Save the world?, ha ha... and she laughed
Couldn't deny
that after that reading something in me was starting to click in the right
place. But tried to keep the Cool, as she had said. So, kept it low and waited
for my brother to finish his. When he came out, he told me that he had actually
asked for a reading about me, and that there was a big shift in the scale of
values, that many people, will follow me but also that many more would hate me.
Oh, that
last sentence scared me to the core, for the first time was shown the dark side
of the glory and suddenly, I just felt
cold. tried not to show much reaction to my brother but in my head and in the
back of my head there was like a lightning storm and every-time a ray touched
down, an emotion liked a remembering or simply feeling somebody else pain and
hate running like an icy river up and down my body. Was getting to confused and
tried to start talking about this with my brother but I was trying to hard to
find the words and the intention necessary for him to be able to understand it
without getting scared or worried about my mental health.
After
walking for a while we walked into a tapas restaurant and started to eat and
drink. And that really helped to forget about messages and messengers and all
that shit!
Next and
final day in Madrid just couldn't move. Woke up with such a heavy lethargy,
weighting over my shoulders, that I said to my brother, that I was not going to
the Spa, that I would just stay and relaxed and slept almost all day. At night,
worked for few hours and went to sleep. Off to "lala-land" in no
time, woke up on time to get my 11:15 am flight back to London.
As soon as
I touched down, the terrible feeling of insecurity, poverty, weakness in mind
and spirit... A terrible feeling of fear enter my body.
Don't know
what was it but it was getting unbearable. Needed to do something to shut up my
mind. Called a "friend" from the past and in no time I was smoking a
joint. That definitely relaxed me but also brought my last big tentation back
to present time... the drugs! Started to get all needy and troubled. Got online
and started browsing for casual encounters. In a way of rebelling against this
"Holy inquisition" I was going through.
And that's
when I meet for the first time in my life an angel of flesh and blood. It
happened like this:
Exchanged
phone numbers and agreed to meet a guy at my place. He arrives and I prepare a
joint to smoke together. Everything went normal, chatting, making up, etc. But
then this guy that I know from nowhere starts talking and there's no stopping
him!. But that's not the funny part, wait!
First starts telling me his story wish starts to sound funny when he
said that he was born on the summer solstice of 1970, and said, I was born in
the winter solstice, Ha! Funny! I thought. But then the similarities start to
pilled up specially related to our mothers:
- Both mums
called Maria
- Born on
the 1st and 2nd of November
- Both
turning 60 years of age
- Terrible
relationship with mother until the age of 12
- Escaping
home at the age of 16
- And had a
revelation or illumination at the beginning of this year, when he realized
consciousness and starts having the ability to into peoples lives (here, I
defer: I have no power whatsoever, but the power of becoming the only organism
on this planet capable of creating so much bullshit. or so I kept trying to
make me believe)
And not to
be conformed with this, then he starts lecturing me about the law of relativity
and attraction. And how contentment and the right applications of the two laws
are the key for a happy life.
What do you
think, I was thinking when he finally stops talking? Exactly! Who the hell is
this person? how does he knows all that and goes around sparkling that sacred
knowledge like rose petals thrown away by the "Queen of the prom" ?
Asked him,
how do you know all this? who told you? what school did you go to? what your
parents do for a living? Needed to know who he was and I was going to find out.
Talked to him about quantum physics, movies like "what the Bleep do we
know" , "The secret" etc. and he answered he had never heard of
any of this, then I said, that, I have never met anyone with such a profound
knowledge of life with what I could only see as the real "secret of
life" which is Contentment based on love and innocence. Simple. a fact!
In this
moment, couldn't stop concentrating in his eyes, Started to see him as the most
beautiful being I ever seen, never imagined to be able to see such a beauty in
someone else. We hug and is there when, again, the same chilled felt when I
welcomed "Alegria" four nights ago. Saw almost as clear as the
keyboard I'm typing on, massive and powerful shields behind him, Honestly felt
they were wings. Said nothing to him. I'm very aware how crazy I could sound.
Felt so close to him that, felt compiled to tell my story. Told him everything,
HIV, drugs, depression, the light at the end of the tunnel and the plans for
the future. And then, dared to start talking about the "coincidences"
made sure there was no "joint" around as it has been more than 4
hours since we smoked the last one and wanted to make sure this was no
high-driven talk motivated by the marihuana.
Started
taking about the similarities with JC, about our mothers, about the way he was
talking and what he was saying, that all he's words made sense completely with
what I was going through. He looked at me with a gaze of total non-judgmental
attention.
And without
knowing, I start talking with total security about prophecies and how this
message will change the world, bla bla bla. What surprised me was the security
I was feeling and the prophecies that I talked,
but in reality never knew about.
And then
suddenly he just jumps from the bed and said: Is time to go, but to end, need
to tell you that, you need to sort out your friendships. And also I'm leaving
you a little worry. I said, worry about what?; About you! he said, I'm here now
because you were weak. To which I answered: Do not worry anymore, I have
learned my lesson. and he left. And slept feeling so satisfied and content,
that felt as something out of this world.
As soon as
he left, wanted to know more about the prophecies I talked about and to find
out if something special happened on 1970. First, found out that the Football
World Cup inauguration ceremony was being held 40 weeks before my birth, which
meant that the whole world's attention was focus in Mexico at the time I was
being put on the production band. But then, saw that nothing really important
happened on December 21st. Cool! This is
looking good, but then I thought about putting December 21st and “googled” it.
To my surprise, found a huge deal of information regarding December 21, 2012
and suddenly all clicked, Didn't feel the need, to read about the prophesies
cited on the website http://www.december212012.net/
. At this point, really thought I was going mad, which is the perfect
indication I was not. Tried to call someone, anyone. just needed to share
“that” with some one else, and thus releasing myself, at least for a portion,
of the burden that this new confirmation was meaning for me.
But found
no one, and then, gradually my mind came to a complete stand-still, like the
static caused by the accumulation of movement. like in the movie
"Awakening" with Robin Williams. So, I stopped thinking and went to
bed and once again, closed my eyes and surrendered to infinity. (Oops, almost
forgot to say that, when the meteor of realization hit me, letting me know
there was actually a prophesy, that is telling the story I was making up.
Instinctually at that moment, looked the time to see again 3 bloody 33 am.
Next
morning, I woke up totally numbed; my mind was in stand still and not moving
forward nor backwards. Was officially in zombie state. Didn't get up from bed
and just kept staring at the ceiling. The day went by, the night went by.
Sleeping in short laps the time just seemed to stop, or me just moving at
different pace. Second day shines through my window, but I'm still in shocked.
talked to my mother but sensed, she was getting really worried about me and
that made me stop talking about this to her. So I went to my neighbor, who
happens also to be my brother's ex from Madrid.
She listens
to me and gives me the right advices in the right dosage. She says to me not to
miss the small picture on the pursue of "the big one". I take her
advice and leave. I needed to get ready to meet a friend, kind of a sugar daddy
I used to have. Wasn't very keen at all to see him, specially since that same
afternoon had met him to tell him for the first time the "whole"
story. After his initial incredibility, then he started to get a little
inquisitive, then turned into a lecture and finally he realized I was there not
asking his opinion but, simply informing him of the circumstances happening in
my life.
Still, knew
he could be the only one to help me financially with my rent and the many
payments already due. I had stop escorting and there was no going back, and
knew that getting back to personal training would take more than a month, to
make the enough clientele, to provide me with my rent. But even so, walked out
so proudly after my speech.
A pride,
later managed to swallow when I agree to meet him again later that same
evening. Right after crossing the front door, for the second time that day, I
commenced putting down my rules. Whichever they were I walked out 4 hours later
with an immense sense of satisfaction, for I had made someone really and meant
"really" happy that night. A connection felt like never before, total
surrender of feelings and with no judgment it was perfection! The 30 years of
so of difference between us didn't matter one bit. Oh! Almost forgot to mention
that I also walked out with the check to pay my rent. I'll explain the
importance of this very private moment later.
Arrived
home, still a bit spaced out by the natural high and a joint we smoked
together. Was feeling fine but a little worried about my health, Felt I was
missing the point, if I'm not healthy the whole message goes down the drain, we
didn't smoked much and I only had half a doses of GBL, compared to the 5-6 that
used to take in order to get me so high to undergo the job that, I was there to
perform. Brought some GBL with me back to my flat, in case I had problems
sleeping. GBL used to be my sleeping remedy for many months, since I started
with my sleeping problems on that faithful night at 3:33 am.
Arrived
home and went to bed my head started to fly, and thoughts, memories, and images
started to cloud my mind. Was there, when got up and took one full doses of GBL
and go back to bed confident that in less than 20 minutes. I'd be asleep.
I wasn't
wrong, did sleep almost immediately after, but woke uo with a terrible
surprise. I had wetted my bed! Can you imagine? at my age? Knew GBL could have
that effect on me as happened before, but in very different circumstances.
Then, I had been parting for days, had taken so much GBL that i needed to
constantly increase the dosage until finally passing out or falling into
mini-comas. But this time it didn't had the emotional charge of guilt and shame
felt before. But instead felt comfortable, almost familiar... well of-course it
felt familiar if I stopped wetting my bed, until quite an older age, and is the
reason why, I quitted the Navy at the age of 18. So finding myself in peace
with the moment, decided out of nowhere to enter a vote of silence that would
last 3 days. Announced my intentions to my family and asked them to respect my
decision and to avoid calling me. That, I was fine but needed the time.
At the
beginning, after accepting the present moment with all its possibilities and
without knowing if I was going to be able to do, what I said I was going to do,
and keep quiet for 3 days. Decided to checked my email for the last time until
Monday the 21st of April, 2008. And found an email from my mother just asking if
I had encountered another coincidence? Which the reply was: yes!, found a
Christ born on December 21, 1970. Jesus-Christ Super Star had been premiered
for the first time on my birthday 37 years ago.
Didn't take
much importance to that fact as it was just one more in the list of many
coincidences.
NOTE: Now is time for the big show, please, if you still reading at this
point, don't stop now, this is about to get ready for an Oscar!
Without
changing the bedding; not even moving places to the dry side. But instead,
start getting comfortable on my own urine, like following a wild instinct. lied
down facing upwards, and in that moment a series of flashes started to appear
in my eyes, this was not in my head, this was wide-eyed-opened vision. There
were flashes like the ones produced by a photographic camera. And then a
multitude of messages started to just show up in my head. There were so many so
fast, felt the need to start writing down, whatever message I was getting. All
this started to happen submerged in a surreal world, between the visual effects
and the sensations being felt, a perfectly distinguished scenario had being set
up.
I was not
thinking, just being a canal at this point, but still in complete awareness of
what was going on.
Started to
write and this were the messages:
1.- The message: Stop killing us! Let US BEE!
3.- The
power of Change, the power of love: emotions showed to me, with this, I came to
realize the full power and capacity that love undoubtedly has.
4.- One
Christ, One love, One Energy. These messages just came like the open credits of
a movie.
5.-
Anti-Christ; True meaning: A Christ that opposes all crimes against society and
nature.
6.-
Jerusalem is all humanity, We all are the chosen ones. (Or we would be dogs).
Here I got the first glimpse of what a huge sense of humor this people have. it
gets better, keep reading.
7.- Was
given a look into humanities future and destiny as entities. To answer the
questions. who are we? What did we came for? what is our purpose as humans? and
the answer is: TO BECOME A LIVING INTELLIGENT AND SELF SUFFICIENT ENERGY,
WORKING TOGETHER FORMING A HOMOGENEOUS TRANSPARENT BUT WITH ABSOLUTE POWER OVER
THE UNIVERSE, CREATING AND FORMING PART OF THE GREATER ONE.
8.- And the
only key to get to this point is LOVE!
NOTE: At this point the messages jumped back and
forward in the way, to whom was intended the message, and from who was coming
from.
9.- DO NOT
REPEAT HISTORY, (be a bit more creative, don't you think?) Here, denoted a
touch of lightness at the end of the message
10.- With
total Humility and Devotion. This, felt was an answer from me, to the question:
How are you coming here today?
11.- THIS
TIME, I WON'T DIE FOR ANYONE! Here, started to feel quite sure about who I am
and my mission in this world.
12.-
There's no Judath in this version. (Self
explanatory)
13.-
Remember where you come from. This was actually one of the key messages of the
lot. As in the moment I was writing, realize is not my hand-writing, complete
astonishment came when I realize, writing down the last two words that the
handwriting looked very similar if not exactly the same as my granddad's hand
writing, who died in 2001, and is in this moment when my hand completely in
control by some exterior force starts signing the message: "Tu
Abuelo" your grand-dad. Instantly after this realization, an overwhelming
presence: my granddad was in the room, and had come to show me that is ok to
believe. Then, understood the importance of me peeing my bed as it connected to
my childhood and hens to the love of my granny who used to wake me up every
night with a pot to pee in, and thus avoiding wetting the bed. Many times he
was already too late. But I will never forget the love he did it with for so many
years and ‘that’ same love, but multiplied by millions was showered over
me. At that moment, I completely
renounced all resistance to believe that, I was indeed in the presence of
higher powers and something REALLY important was about to happen.
14.- Was
given the chance to choose my twelve chosen. Here, I started to feel like mini
tests for ego. Knew there was no wrong answer and in a space of complete
clarity and security, decided to give it a go. I couldn't complete this task.
wrote down number one and couldn't decide who was going to be the most
important person in my life. Thought, Hopefully I'll have a partner one day, or
what about if I have a child. then skipped number one and went for number two.
That was pretty easy, my best friend and most loved one, my brother's ex, who's
name happen to be "Purification". And then number three. and here
also couldn't find any answer. Was given some time and then the messages
started pilling in my head.
15.- The
most powerful message I felt. Here, was given the opportunity to feel all the
pain, all the death, all the suffering, desperation and fear of all those who
have died and keep dying of HIV/AIDS. Still now, can't seem to manage to be
able to remember this moment without drowning into the deepest sorrow I've ever
felt, all over again.
NOTE: At
this point, forgot to mention. the movie Jesus-Christ Super Star, was playing
in the background. I remember putting it on, just after writing my reply to my
mother question about more coincidences. At this moment, the part when Jesus is
singing Gethsemane was showing. At the beginning didn't pay attention to it as
I was absorbed with the messages. But then, felt the strangest feeling, that
the masters were having a totally coherent conversation with me through that
song. But them as Jesus and me as... God!
16.- Oh my
God, Started to shake. Couldn't believe what was happening. Was told by
the Masters, there was no God as we've been told to believe, there's no higher
Being, controlling the perfection of this world and all the worlds. IT WAS AS
IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN, US. WE ARE THE ONLY GODS, WE ARE THE ONLY ONES WITH THE
POWER OF CHANGE, WE ARE THE ONLY ONES CONTROLLING THE PERFECTION OF THIS WORLD.
WE, WITH OUR MAGNIFICENT AND ALL POWERFUL ENERGY CONNECTED, EVEN THOU un
CONSCIENCELY, BUT WE ARE THE ONES, BRINGING UP THE CROPS, SHIFTING THE WATERS
IN THE DEEPEST OCEANS, WE, ARE THE ONES CREATING THE PERFECTION OF EVERYDAY
LIFE IN EVERY LIFE WHICH AT THE END HAPPENS TO BE THE SAME ONE.
Felt very
empowered but at the same time intimidated for all that was going on. All this
information was sure, it was being registered by some higher intelligence that
is "I" but my conscience or the Ego "me" didn't have the
understanding of all that was taking place inside my mini-studio flat. Couldn't
believe that such important moment in the history of all histories was
happening. Started to have silly thoughts like; for a moment, hopped cults or
followers of prophecies had follow a trace that would lead them to this space
in time. Someone needed to see this, to corroborate my story. But no one ever
showed up.
Then
started to come more personal messages relating to close people to me, for
example my younger bother and my mother. The messages continue like this:
17.- Paco
(as we called him in the family) I'm your brother, I love you, I'm sorry for
ever hurting you, come to me, I invite you to come and live with me again,
please say yes, please!. Here, the message felt was: Paco, he has a huge heart
with a great capacity to love and be loved, but I have experienced a dense side
with him. Felt, it would be of great benefit to be close to him.
NOTE: Here,
the attention turned to the JC SS movie, once again, which was showing the
moment when “Pontius Pilate" receives Jesus for the first time. And all
the solemnity spelled that so far the ceremony had had. Turned suddenly into
hundreds of laugh, didn't understand what they were laughing about, when
suddenly, with a higher volume from the sounds coming out of my computer, heard
"Pontius Pilate" shouting in his singing: A SILENT KING! NOT A KING
AT ALL... And I laugh as well as remembered that, indeed, I was silent too,
since I’ve taken the silent vote that morning. And so, they all started to
laugh at me, trying to hit my ego and probably any ego-dream of grandiosity. At
this point all focus went to the movie. But roles shifted constantly. As I
sometimes was Jesus, but sometimes God itself, as already mention, but also,
Judas.
For
example, when Jesus is getting the 39 or so, lashes, I was bombarded with possible
outcomes, like war between nations, the collapse of the Catholic Church and
therefore the beginning of a dark age, one of the darkest in all history. But
still nothing compared to what I felt at the beginning, when was shown the
suffering caused by the genocide under the HIV/AIDS flag. - Test passed, felt!
Then,
became Judas, getting my reward for destroying Jesus' Church. And my payment
was Guilt, started to feel the most intense guilt ever felt. Saw in my mind the
images of hundreds of thousands, perishing under the false spells of the shift
of awareness and the no-acceptance of this new Kingdom. I getting devastated by
this feeling that just kept pouring like boiling chocolate all over my self.
Here, the movie continued and then, I stopped being Judas and "my
guilt" took the Judas personification. Ending in his final suicide when he
hangs himself, and thus I felt a total release, a total emptiness or fullness,
(I'm still not sure) and serenity. Welcomed and accepted this gift. Started to
talk without knowing, mumbling only three little words: I am sorry, I am sorry,
I am sorry. And then, the calm started to take over, a new Master made
presence. Jesus himself.
Felt the
most magnificent and pure demonstration of love. It felt like a shower of colours
all around me, felt loved, understood, cared for, protected, guided. There was
so much. I now feel my knowledge of the English language and any language for
this matter, has no words enough to describe what was felt. Then the last
message came just before a mini-conversation with Jesus where felt his total
support and love, but most important the understanding that all that is about
to happen has to happen, and that I'm just the messenger. And with this, felt
light, like floating on the air. The shower of light banished and all looked
and felt like coming back to normal.
The last
message from the Masters was:
18.- I am
not Jesus, I AM, WHO I AM, THAT IS THAT! (Don't feel the need to explain this
one)
But if I
thought that was, IT, was quite mistaken. The movie continue and then I was
placed as Jesus again, when he is sent to meet Herod's, which in the movie is
quite a flashy, fat, obvious homosexual who, dances all over the place, shaking
his fatty bits and is surrounded by the 70s prototype of the gay community,
exaggerated. Didn't know what to expect, laughed when I sensed the irony of the
situation, me being gay and all. But still couldn't understand what was
expected of me, when suddenly knew it. Was being asked to DANCE! Ha! Sure you
didn't expect that! Did you? Was so incredulous of that realization, laughed
out loud, looking around with a gaze that said it all: YOU MOST BE KIDDING!
Of course,
jumped into my feet and with the silliest moves, prepared myself for what would
become THE HAPPIEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE! I can't stop shaking and tears have
started to roll down my chicks as I remember those moments. The funniest part was the synchronization,
every time I made a silly move like grabbing my crouch, sticking out my bum, or
acting in an effeminate silly way, the movie was giving me Ooooo's and
aaahhh's, I could hear and feel just the greatest party all around me, I
couldn't save any energy for later, i gave MY BEST PERFORMANCE and God!, was
happy, at this point and didn't care at all if I was going crazy or better said
that I had gone "Cuckoo" long time ago, just enjoyed myself and allow
to feel and experience that wonderful time. I was a kid all over again, free of
all negativity, dancing and laughing... That's it! as simple and as beautiful
as a baby's laugh.
At this
point the movie shifts from the judgment to the movie's main theme. TAN-TAN
TAN! Jesus Christ Superstar! The Overture! And then all just went mad, the most
obliterating display of power and love. felt the earth starting to shake, the
rumble of the walls was only diminished by the powerful roar coming from the
center of the planet. Felt hundreds of Angels floating around me, Could see the
music and hear the colors, was shouting. Felt, I was about to explode, Couldn't
handle that much, and when thought I couldn't cope with so much emotion, saw a
light coming down towards me, and in that moment sensed my mother's mother, My
granny, "mi abuelita adorada" the person I have been the closest to
my heart and died in 2005. She brought with her, the light. The light that was
passing on to me, to enlighten the path
for humanity to evolve. That was too much, whom ever is responsible for
organizing this event definitely is going to be nominated for the event of the...mmmhmmm,
Ever!!, the best event ever! Wow, no Olympic opening can parallel, or MTV
awards or Academy awards ceremony can compare, these guys really know what they
are doing. Or if I choose to believe, I have the most amazing mind, which has
created all this, a magnificence only worth of a King or a God. FUCK YEAH!!!!
I'm God!! And with that thought, Mr. Ego who at this point had been hiding
somewhere, came back with his unmistakable charm... So, that means, I can fly,
walk on water, turn wine into beer, and water into more beer. The entire rise
from the world would be turning into sushi and my penis would grow at least one
inch in length and thickness...
Wrong!
Still, at this point couldn't even levitate, which though, would be the easiest
thing to do as it has happened before, one day when I was around 18 years of
age, and woke up in the middle of the night with my nose pressing against the
ceiling. But that's another story.
And then,
the final stage of the ceremony, The Crucifixion! Holy macaroni. It can't be
death, hold on, what about, being "The messenger" that is coming to
save the world, what about everything else, the project, etc. Then realized
that, all that could be said, I had said it and documented already. And a deep
concerned started to grow in me. Oh, oh... the message is out already, the
messenger can be spared. A total darkness started to cover me and the sensation
experienced when I had the "close to death experience" started to
return. Oh dear, was sure the time had come, was about to go back home. Felt at ease with the idea but can't deny a
sudden fear starting to grow inside me. And then, everyone started to laugh
again. They were still here for the final act, and between all laughs, sensed a
naughty type of voice, with the typical wittiness of a teenager saying: Yeah, You
believe you're God, but you are shaking like a chicken! clawk, clawk! felt
silly and ridiculed. But the final present was about to arrive or better said,
to depart. My fear was taken and extracted from my body, but my fear wasn't
alone, there was some other energy present that couldn't make up who or what it
was. And little by little started to take form. The form of my mother, They are
taken my fears and my mother's fears and being taken away with them, to be
integrated to the All One Self.
And that
was It, the ceremony was over and was left, with the same untidy room, with no
super natural powers but with a light and fire that was starting to build up
within me. At this point felt, someone of the Masters had been left behind as
started to hear a second "me" voice, quite strange. Sensed It was me,
but it wasn't me because my everyday "me” was busy judging who was this
new guy. That looked like the clear sign of paranoia, but didn't care much at
this point, just thought out loud: Hope this new voice is not going to stay
here forever, have enough with "my own" to get deaf with so much
noise of thoughts, imagine two doing the same,.. Oh, no. Hopped
not.______________________________________________________
Then, being
pulled by a wild instinct, felt the urge to start cleaning, But it wasn't on a
way to get this tidy up, it was a ritual for inner cleansing. A deep inner
cleansing that ended up with me and an old tooth-brush cleaning the inside of
my toilet. Then a shower, it lasted for hours. Music and voices were still
being heard inside my head, in a much smaller scale but knew that, the ceremony
wasn't over at all, after washing my body, have no idea how many times, putting
all the attention in every single inch square. Then, enter the oil, all in deep
and meditative silence I covered my body with almond oil which my mother
prepare to sell to her pregnant students. And so, walked out of the bathroom
and waited standing up to get dry by it self. i then started to clean up my
room and changed the bedding. And so, went back to bed. the clock showed 5
minutes to six in the evening. Placed my
head over the pillows and closed my eyes and felt into the deepest, dreamless
sleep, can’t recall ever having.
The next
day, woke up at 7:30 am, just over twelve hour after of going to bed. Woke up
in exactly the same position I went to bed the night before. Woke up feeling so
fresh and renewed. But also with a new task: Needed to prepare an announcement.
Then, I texted my family, all of them, which included: My mother, both brother
and Purificacion. told them that, I needed them to get everyone on Skype for a conference call on
Monday at 3:30 pm. That was imperative that Everyone to be present. that came
as a surprised to all, specially since we haven't been all together in a
conference call for over 8 years, in person even longer. Never thought of the
implication of this request and the difficulty to complete this simple task
would have on everyone. We all lived in different time zone and all had their
own stuff to do, work, etc. But commitments were rescheduled, auditions
postponed and permissions asked, in order to be together on Monday at 3:30 pm
in London. But all this was still far away, that was Monday, and I was still
experiencing the Sunday morning.
Then
realized, that a video needed to prepared, shouting to the world who I AM. Had
the music immediately selected as one of the mantras my mother gave me, said: I
am, who I am, that is that! the same sentence given in one of the messages and
it was going to show the chronological
information of my life, only knew that needed to include World Cup, Mexico 70
and the logo for London 20012. You can see the video here: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=jpwxWnkcrdk
This video was assembled, edited and published in less than 15 minutes. I’d
just like to point, like the synchronization between music and image. for
example when the music says: God save the children, 'caused we love them,
Always appears something or some group that's in need of protection. as are the
children, the animals, the elderly, the forest. And I'm sure if you look
closely you'll see the many signs too.
The
announcement scheduled at 3:30 pm on Monday, couldn't start exactly as the time
asked because Paco, had some problems with the connection, so at the end we
just started 3 minutes late. All went as planned. was getting guided and my
words were sounding right with the Cool needed, down to the facts. Asked them
to please not interrupt me once had started, two: Thanked all of them for their
presence. And then, turned to my mother and spoke to her in a way I have never
done before. Said to her: I want to thank you Akasha (that's the spiritual name
that my mother uses) for all your help and support, for your invaluable
knowledge and love. But this message is intended for: Maria Guadalupe! Maria, come mother get closer, there's no
need to hide any more. Is time, and need you to take you place by my side. at
this point just felt the deepest silence. My mother could hardly make a sound,
of course she managed to affect her connection over the internet. altho she
most have probably done it with out knowing. Little did she know at this time,
that all fears had been removed from her and that know the only work to be done
is to adapt to her new self, accepting the change, Felt the most difficult part
for her will be to accept the realization that she doesn't feel any fear
anymore, and not trying to convince herself of the opposite.
Then, tried
to give them a good eyed opening, without any doubt about who I was and what I
came for. At that point truly started to believe I am the new Christ. Wait,
don't go, wish I could say that it was all a joke but it isn't.
The first
one to leave the call was my mother, obviously! then my older brother and then
stayed talking with Paco and Purificacion (Alias: Pura) for over 5 hours. Of
course, we haven't had a proper chat in more than 8 years. But sensed it was
time to finish the call. And so we did all. During the calls there was something
like, a little fly over your cake or cup of tea, was my older brother's voice:
have you listen to the CDs I gave you? To which I answered no, not yet. I shall
do so, as soon as I find a quiet time. I mean they are eight CDs in the pack.
He kept insisting and insisting that I should listen to them, that he doesn't
want to keep pestering me with the same things all the time, but he felt I
needed to listen to those CDs, time went by and next day he calls again. Have
you listen to the CDs? Bugger! Thought,
this is worst than a mosquito infestation. Couldn't understand why a was
feeling so resilient to listen to those CDs, then my brother said the magic
word: Ego, they have to do something with the ego. And in that second I knew it
is not resilience is resistance what I was feeling. I new I needed to listen to
those CDs right away. And confirmed it when again the clock gave the 3:33 pm.
But needed to resolve some issues first. An ex was coming over.
When my X
arrived, I was in total calm and in control all my emotions and more important
talking from a space of love and compassion. Then started welcoming my guest. I
offered a glass of wine which he denied, and then I told him that I needed to
listen to some cds, if he wouldn't mind. He said that he wouldn't, so I proceed
to play the cds. from the first line you
spoke, sensed a huge sensation, almost as big as the "Great
Ceremony", felt ready but couldn't understand what role my X played in all
this, then, thought I had it all figured out. he was there to witness it.
Little did
I know, it was all part of a strategic plan.
So, while
still thinking that my X was there to play the part as witness, i started to
relax and opening myself to whatever was coming. Began to hear your voice and
mountains started to move inside me. But, still was feeling pretty
uncomfortable, specially when you said: "Either this books is going to
make complete sense from the very beginning or will completely fly over
you" Not the exact words but sure they are pretty close. In that moment, incorporate
myself and look directly into his eyes. And saw oblivion. And thought, this
can't be right. Unless this guy is having an awakening or experience
"x", more impressive than mine. But that, didn't feel right either,
so I got up, turned the cd off and decide to confront him, in a very connected
way, so connected that amazed myself with the profound messages and the most
humble love, been promoted by total compassion.
NOTE: Here
I want to apologize for many orthographic and grammatical errors you may start
to encounter. Started writing this email last night, at 10 past eleven pm, and
haven't stop since. Tried to get some sleep, but, just stopped to get some food
or go to the toilet. my hands are a bit cramped and I'm staring to loose focus
in my eyes. But, feel too compelled to finish, which is almost there.
My X
understand, cries a little, but then smiles and with a peace that I have never
seen before, takes his stuff and leaves. One friendship dealt with, I now need
to deal with my sugar one. So, I grab the phone, as we say in Mexico "en
caliente" which means something
like: without thinking, and dialed his number. When he answers I say to him
that I am sorry for any uncomfortable feeling I might be causing him. that even
my feelings of friendship were 100% sincere. That, I needed to feel sure that
there's no other interest at play. That, I can't expect anything from him but
HIM, and this will happen, when I stop needing his financial help. And thank
him for the willingness to help me and for all he has done for me, That I will
never forget it. I will contact him again when I have resolved my issues. said
good bye and hanged up. Felt so empowered, a cleaned up start. Was now ready to
listen to your Cds "A New Earth".
As you can
sense, I have become quite obsessive and when I get into a task, can't stop
‘till it’s finished. So, cd number one started to play and couldn't stop till
almost 17 hours later, and two complete rounds of all eight cds. Again, the
state of shocked and wonder that you tell in your story when it happened to
you. It happened to me too. I was numbed by the new awareness, everything
looked so different but at the same time so equal to it has always be. And this
awareness made me come to a complete still. Was an observer for the first time,
Didn't want to had any input in my new reality, even thou, knew, that just by
observing. It was in constant shaping and reshaping.
Stayed
quiet for almost 3 days again, my family started to wonder. that night after
the 17 hour marathonic session, went out, to Hyde park. Was floating on air.
Got to the park and started crossing the lawn, cutting exactly through the
middle, and walked in straight line until I bumped into a tree. Then, just
turned around and sat. Couldn't believe my eyes. the whole experience seemed to
breath at the same rhythm. like when "Neo" comes to awareness of who
he is and starts seeing everything in code, remember? From the movie “the
matrix”. I didn't see any code but felt it. Stayed there a couple of hours and
them come back walking over my footprints left on my way to the park. open my
door and sat in the same place, in the same position I had when I left. The
zombie-like feeling, came back, at least for moments. Didn't know what to do,
so decided to start calling my family, but no one was available for me. My ego
"me" was holding to whatever he could to stay afloat. Got very angry
for not having someone to talk. My Mr Ego, was calling and somebody needed to
answer. So I did. Embraced him and through him a farewell
party and let him go. Went out and bought a "Shisha" and a bottle of
wine. Connected my microphone to my computer and "Karaoke happy hour"
at the Bar in flat 3 had started. Danced and sang, laugh and cried. a great
party, a private party, only for me and my Self!
LoveAlways
xXx
TO BEE CONTINUED...
