Today I feel strong, my body it's finding its strength in lifting less but more. Everything collapse around me and I'm still standing. My hearts longing for love, care and attention it's been met by my own ability to forgive and let go. I still remember my mother's way to show affection, in intensity rushes that would last seconds and then nothing. We were left standing wanting a lot more. That same longing I identify today with my lovers and more especificly with Craig's love which cannot give much and will not go away. A painful reminder of how much and for how long I craved for more. For time spent looking into my eyes, listening to my stories, caressing my skin, stroking my hair. Yes it all comes back to family, to the time when I needed it first and didn't get it and became a patern in my life. Creating a little angry kid, who doesn't get what he wants and in return he destroys you in every way he can. He would hurt you where he knows it's the most painful, not realising that that pain would hurt him even more.
Now I see. I see how much I've hurt myself by hurting others for not being the way I wanted them to be. For not seeing beyond my scars and for not wanting to be mine. I guess it goes back to property. I wanted then to be mine, and it didn't happen again, and again, and again.
My heart suffered and I suffered, my body suffered and my mind suffered, but today WE FORGIVE AND LET GO..... Let go of every need to receive love for I provide myself with all the attention, care, and love I need. I promise to myself to not treat others in the way I don't want to be treated. I promise to myself to give all the love and attention to those who come to me.
TODAY I LET GO OF ANGER
TODAY I LET GO OF REVENGE
TODAY I LET GO OF RESENT
TODAY I STOP MOVING
TODAY I STOP LONGING
TODAY I STOP WANTING
TODAY I START LIVING
TODAY I START GIVING
TODAY I START LOVING.
... And so it is
LoveAlways x 333
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