DO YOU KNOW GOD?

The most difficult question is the reason why many wont care to answer it -'Do you believe in god?'.
Regardless of their beliefs in either believing or not, nor in which god they serve if they do, people seem to act almost automatically in answering yes or not, never giving much thought to the real answer within themselves. I know, because I never gave it too much thought myself. I was expected to know the answer so I gave every time my best performance. But for me and my inner truth was the only question I could never seem to understand, making my mind get lost in limbo with my face going all confused and startled, never knowing what to say. And to be honest I don't think many people do but they deny the fact that of god they know nothing in the hope that there is some truth in what they've been told to believe.

If you've been following my story for the last few years you'll know I'm a deeply spiritual person. So, how come did I miss the main piece of the puzzle? For many years I thought it wasn't too relevant in my life if either god exists or not. For me was only a very romantic idea of a father figure creator of everything but fixer of nothing and the certain son who came to suffer our pain who was also god and the cute little dove who also happens to be god. What kind of minds can ever understand such confusion and assert they believe in one single god? A god that punishes and tests the validity of love itself in every one of us who dares to exist in the hope of love and happiness.

That would be our job, the primitive mortals. And so, life went on. Had two NDE (near death experiences) one in 2007, the other in 2012, first one induced by a drug overdose, the other by illness. In both I had very powerful contact with a voice, vibration or knowingness that brought me back to life. Certain consciousness that felt as the all knowing, all seeing, all powerful being everybody talks about... but was that god? Or simply the next level up in the ladder of the consciousness and if that's true, how many levels are there? The next question was, if that was god why didn't I become transformed like all those figures who led a whole community across opened waters or created magic with rods and stuff like that? And if it wasn't god who talked to me and brought me back to life? who was it. Maybe was only I talking to myself?

Facing the ultimate question made me avoid it all together. I didn't care that I didn't know. Thou it made it very uncomfortable when someone asked me 'the question' because if I don't believe in a god, what do I believe in? The dark side? The pink side? What! Which is my side?

This question remained unanswered with only close solution. I BELIEVE IN ME. This made me feel fulfilled and satisfied, but did that made me an atheist? I believe in miracles but the one that can be created by a trained and powerful mind, I believe in evolution as the natural way to perpetuate the self awareness and awakening of this planet as a living entity. And more importantly, i believe in love and magic. That was close enough and I could easily understand that concept.... Until last weekend when all changed (25 may, 2013)

During that weekend I had a very close friend visiting me. We were talking about consciousness and spirituality. He was all respectful of my self-talk of IAM GOD. Then he asked me the dreaded question.... - And do you believe in god? To which I answered -I don't know what god is, As it has always played a very elusive roll in my life, pretty much like my real father.
Ok - he said, let me show you how to talk to god, the way you'll get an answer for sure.
Wow, this is cool - I, thought.
He then said to get on my knees, open my hands in invoking position and begin to ask for whatever I need the most, first. That weekend I was very focused on releasing negativity, using the power of the Sagg full moon eclipse and a mono-diet of garlic soup with almost 60 cloves. So I prayed, I began feeling how I entered in trance, reaching very deep levels and beginning to feel as something changing. My body felt lighter, my mind clearer and a very strange sensation surrounded me. When I finished my friend just said: let me introduced you to god.

LoveAlways
xXx

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Graduation Day

There's a certain smell in the air. After the last week of very high excitements we begin to normalise. But I'm now going through more changes. I have no idea how I feel. I don't know if I'm in pain or not, if I feel strong or weak, if I'm hungry or not.... This is a very weird sensation as if I didn't know my own body.
Mini-aches like needles appear suddenly over my body and disappear fast.

Off now, my mind is in stand still. I'm going to quiet down.

xXx

Angel of Darkness - Master of Light

Has been over a month since my last post. This is because so much stuff has been going on and If I'd written every day, I probably wouldn't be where I am right now, wasting time trying to understand. But understanding was not an option and therefore didn't know what to write.
YES, it's been quite mad for over a month or so, around the start of April, right after my last post I went into the darkest place I experienced in a very long time. It wasn't depression at de beginning but soon turned into that. In reality what was happening was a very intense questioning. The type of thinking that brought me to this here and now and has form part of my life always. Why, why, why...

WHY NOT
Imagine to question the very foundations of your system belief all the time. That is hell. That means that when you think you are starting to build some structure and believe in whatever, some naughty part of me comes forward and destroys everything, and I mean everything, total collapse in the presence of the evil light as we point to it. The main question in my mind was, -What's real? and from there all the other questions appeared. Am I real? my feelings, my life? is my love real?... that last one shacked me to the core.
Let me make the remark that I wasn't trying to solve the all the questions of the Universe in one week. No way, my mind couldn't care less. This questioning comes from far beyond my mind and it's not happy until theres some kind of answer that makes me feel good. Now, the 'feeling good' part wasn't  under my control, it came as easily as it went away. My body ached all over to very painful levels one day and felt strong, full of energy the next. For weeks I went into nothingness but it wasn't too bad, Yes, very scary since I had not one single answer to my questions but I was feeling more at home, I wasn't dying. However, in my now very extensive and powerful experience in these sort of situations, I didn't feel that much fear, depression or desperation and let the 'whatever was going on' to run its course. The initial feeling of lost of faith drown me down to the lowest of emotional balance... but in this case I was very well prepared and came out of it quick and stronger.

REMEMBER LOVE IS ONLY REAL
This was and still is my only 'out of jail' card. When things started to go very dark and questions were born as dragons with multitude of faces, the only way I could defeat this enemy was to love it. So after few weeks,... (I know, we're talking weeks here.) of painful darkness, I used my weapon of choice, that is my love. Went back to my people and give them all I am and that brought me out of the hole I found myself in.

RAINBOW AFTER THE STORM
I knew the episode was only the backstage to a different level. Darkness never comes just for fun, it comes with a lesson and the opportunity to grow and this time wasn't different. I was learning my lessons and that made it less painful... healing started to happen in miracle ways and my new sense of identity began to grow fast and strong.
With every session I had, with every person I met I began to realise and become aware of a certain energy that wasn't there before this last time of darkness. Deep knowledge and wisdom started to show up in ways that amazed myself. "Oh you have read this" or "Its amazing how you can talk about this when I have to studied for year" I hear this type of affirmations all the time now and I know that they have nothing to de with information in my brain but to a connection of higher vibrations. It's like having connected to another kind of internet... a spiritual one. And like with the other internet, this one also have all the answers. Cool innit? :)

SURRENDERING THE DREAM
At some point about 3 weeks ago, at the beginning of May, I had a very powerful sensation of ' This is it" I felt I had reached my peak, i was very aware of many things, people were noticing and obtaining benefits from it. The light was stronger than ever and the connection intense and powerful. However, for some reason I felt alone, castaway by my own dreams and desires. Very few people could really understand the massive duality that my world is, the intense challenges that One has to overcome to enjoy seconds of light and peace, the beauty of it that creates and destroys at the same time. One can be the happiest and at the same time feel the saddest hole inside your chest. Feels like rebirth in the time of death.
At some point I didn't care anymore. Even thou I thought that by reaching this levels of awareness would create instant happiness and would keep the demons at bay, I came to accept the fact that in reality we come to live with both Light and Darkness at the same time. We become integrated in both vibrations without riding only one wave but all of them at the same time. and that was cool enough to be grateful.

I HAVE NO TIME
What about that???? This another of the tricks of the new awareness that has surpassed my craziest expectations. Time is now only a tiny concept that shrink and stretches but not longer the drives my destiny and life. I'm still getting the grips of it and the magic of synchronicity but I can say by now the powers and possibilities are amazing as I discover them. Watching people running at different speeds, with their faces full of lost time, worrying and stressing over beliefs that don't serve them is like watching a movie from another planet or dimension. One wishes we could do something about it, probably say, hey... that's not the way, let me show you something very cool is gonna hurt but you'll love it,  but now I don't do that very often. They feel I'm taking the mickey, my intention is to hurt or that Im crazy... and Ain't nobody got time for that ;)

BIG SURPRISE
What came through very strongly too was an empowering feeling of IAM. I can't still fully describe in words what this mean. I heard of it many times, I been getting glimpse of it for few years now. But never truly experienced its power. Simple and yet complicated, this was the greatest reward to the trust and honouring of feelings. A certain magnificence that changes everything.... all over again :) And so we start again.
- INTO THE LUMINANCE OF DARKNESS I DIVE DEEP ONCE AGAIN GUIDED ONLY BY THE POWER OF MY LIGHT -

God bless you always
LoveAlways
xXx


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