Knowingly achieving a strength or manipulating a weakness to asist the evolutionary expansion of my mind and the greatness of my-self.
It is in that moment that I found myself last weekend when after a month or so of senseless smoking of weed sent me into a roller coaster that would jump start a new powerful transformation in my life.
As I was loosing will power to stop my mind from craving living high, I realised something must be done in order to regain my control as I needed to get back on track towards my main goals this year. One of them, if not the most important being the completion of my book. Second, the power training of my body and thirdly, the training of my mind.
As I spent more than few weeks hipnotized by the effects of Canabis, I began to loose track and only one thing has the power to get me back on track, and that is Death itself.
I got sick after buying weed from a very horrible source that not only contributed to the sickness but energetically pushed me into the Abbys.
Falling ill that same night, giving me very powerful chills and horrendous high temperatures that would make my mind lost in dreams of hallucinations.
That feeling of getting sick was strong enough to make me reevaluate my life and what was truly important for me. But it also gave me the opportunity to fight stronger than ever for what it's right FOR ME, my life and myself.
I found stopping all medications that would give me confidence and certainty to my mind, regardless of the harm that was causing to my internal organs. Was until, driven to hospital by the high temperatures, the doctors made me realise the damage caused by the medication to my kidneys. Was there when I decided to not take more of anything. Heal my lungs, stop smoking and get on with the destiny I've chosen for myself.
This decision was also helped by the arriving of Fernando to my life. A Brazilian hairdresser who I knew from Facebook, hardly exchanged any words, but when I knew that he had moved to London, I felt an indescribable attraction to meet him and get to know him.
First I thought the attraction was born on my need to find a true professional who could take care of my hair. I've been growing it for months and I've been looking for someone to groom it.
But to my surprise, the reason I was so keen in meeting him was because he shared the same views about the other side of AIDS. He is a denylist of the HIV=AIDS theory and when we met the subject simply germinated and came to life as if it had a life of its own.
He began talking in medical terms of the many reasons HIV does not cause aids and in that moment I just knew the time had come to take care of my self fully and without restriction.
I felt beyond doubt the security I always dremt for. It was a very easy move. Not like times before when the move was always shrouded in doubt and confusion.
This time felt as easy as if it had never been there. It felt right.
Life since, has continued to develope as natural as ever been. I have retaken the writing of my book and I'm awaiting news from my course to be start in September. I'm back in the gym and I'm now certain that whatever gain or loss it's absolutely mine, without the assistance of steroids and growth hormone that is added to the treatment of HIV.
Today I'm back in control, as I've never been before. I'm healing my life and therefore my body it's healing itself. I have not much to do but to be truthful to myself and my feelings and that is exactly what I'm doing. Even when it means, telling it as it is to my mother, hurting feelings and shifting the direction of our relationship.
I now have taken control over my relationship with Paco, my brother, who I believe needs the help of the family now more than ever, and if no one is available to help, I am and I'll do it in the best of my capacity.
I have decided to cancel my class that I was about to offer in the community centre. Simply because I don't feel it and I took as a excuse the bad treatment I've been receiving from the other members of the committee.
IAM happier now and more relaxed. Exactly what I needed in this time when I'm given full control over my life.
PS: I'm loving the way the book is going. I'm so feeling it. It's great.
Much LoveAlways
x 333
